I graduated from a very small high school in
northeast Wisconsin, where everyone knew everyone. This is also the place that I first heard
‘that’s so gay.’ My classmates were
saying it all the time, so I really didn’t think anything of it. I became so immune to the inappropriateness
of the statement, that I started saying it.
One day, I let it slip at home.
My mom heard me say ‘that’s so gay’, and she gave me the longest lecture
that I have ever had to sit through. She
explained that gay is not meant to be an insult. Gay people are just like us and they deserve
to be treated with respect. My mom told
me that what I was saying was so offensive, and if a homosexual had heard me
say that, it would be extremely hurtful.
From that day on, I have never let those words slip through my lips.
Trying to explain what I had learned from my mom to
my friends was a difficult task. Their
response was ‘oh c’mon. There are no gay
kids at our school. We aren’t offending
anyone.’ (This was kind of true. There were no openly gay kids in our
class. But then again I don’t think
anyone would feel comfortable coming out in such a hostile environment.) I told them the seriousness of their words,
but they just blew me off. My friends
indirectly taught me how set in their ways people can be. It is hard to teach old dogs new tricks, but
it is not impossible.
Now that my friends and I have left that school, and
have met different kinds of people, their eyes have been opened. Getting out of that tiny, narrow-minded town,
made them realize that their words have consequences, and now, all of them
watch what they say.
If you are still one of those people trying to kick
the ‘that’s so gay’ habit, keep this in mind.
What if the roles were reversed?
What if you went to a school where everyone was saying ‘that’s so blond’
or ‘that’s so straight?’ How
uncomfortable would you be? Would you hide who you were to avoid being
ridiculed? You wouldn’t dare say ‘that’s
so Jewish’ or ‘that’s so black’ so what makes saying ‘that’s so gay’ okay? Think about the people you are hurting next
time you say those three hurtful, discriminating words.
Nice post, very clear and well-thought out. I'm glad your parents had the rational state of mind to teach you to treat people with respect!! Hopefully a trend we can see continued in future generations.
ReplyDeleteGirl, I could NOT agree with you more on this subject! Hallelujah to someone for finally writing about it!!! I, much like yourself, used to say "that's so gay" around my friends. I quickly learned, especially after getting a lot of gay friends, that it was inappropriate. While I do think we have made enormous strides to eliminate the use of this phrase, it is still clearly around. It is now our job to tell people that gay is NOT a synonym for stupid, etc. I'm glad that you were taught with good morals (go mom!) and have continued to instill those in other people. Loved this post--so relatable to everyone now! Way to throw in if the tables were turned; many people seem to forget how painful it would be to them. Nice writing style, clear, concise and very well put!
ReplyDeleteI definitely went to school were this was said daily. Although it didn't bother me while I was in High School, I'm disturbed that people still say this in college. Having a gay brother, I believe this topic of verbal abuse is more sensitive to me now. Have you seen some of the commercials that are against saying "this is so gay", check them out, they are pretty neat!
ReplyDeleteExcellent topic! I also wrote my blog on labeling such as the one you point out. I really like your final statement with the "thats so straight" haha -- excellent point of view!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you, the phrase, "That's so gay." is thrown around too much. I am glad you touched on this topic because not many people talk about these words. I like how you compared this phrase to "That's so Jewish" or "That's so black". It may seem like something that seems like common sense, but not many people really sit down to think about something that they have gotten accustomed to saying.
ReplyDeleteI think you could add more of this, and I mean, putting it own the terms that people who have became accustomed to will understand. Maybe use some more scenario type instances for people who may say it more in your mind.
So while I thoroughly agree with the theme of the post, I disagree with the appropriation of racist struggles to heterosexist struggles. We should shy away from these things, especially if we're only doing it as an easy way to get a point across as it's simply using another group's struggles for a different groups struggles (which is only acceptable if the person is a black and/or Jewish and gay in this case).
ReplyDeleteBut yes, I thoroughly agree with words carrying weight behind them. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is a very privileged phrase that seems to not realize what daily- if not hourly- verbal abuse will do to a person, which has shown to cause extremely negative mental characteristics in the subject of the abuse.
I completely agree with you!! When I first came to college, I definitely heard "that's so gay" being tossed around all the time, and like you, I didn't really realize the impact of the words until I made my first few good gay friends in college. Once I had met them and realized how much those words hurt, I made sure to try to gently remind people who I heard saying it that it was offensive. A few times, people were hostile towards me, but most people were okay with me letting them know that it upset me. Knowledge is power, and speaking up can have its benefits! I like that you addressed this issue; I think it's one that definitely needs attention.
ReplyDeleteThe argument that "we're not offending anyone" always gets under my skin. What that means is that they know it's wrong to say, but are unapologetic. I don't have to be part of Group X to know that saying offensive things is offensive. Shit is shit, full stop. Good for your mom, recognizing offensive speech for what it is and teaching her children to be respectful.
ReplyDeleteExcellent blog, coming from a small high school also this was very commonly heard. Your blog is very powerful and motivational and you have some excellent points that are shared in multiple perspectives that really drive your topic home!
ReplyDeleteGreat job bringing about change through the awareness that words have power, especially when we write them down! This is a matter of simply letting people know that it is NOT acceptable to use the word "gay" as a derogatory reference. I think your tactic of comparing this to a variety of other group discriminations is a great way to reach even more people.
ReplyDelete